Don't you know that you're toxic?

Have you ever had a toxic friendship?

You were best friends with them for years until you realized all they would bring to your life is negativity and drama. And ending the friendship would be better?

I have.

I was friends with this girl we'll call Amanda*. We met on the first day of high school. We were friends all through high school. Best friends, you could say. We did everything together. In fact, we received the Best Friends senior superlative. People knew us as best friends.

Starting probably Spring semester of Junior year or Fall semester of Senior year, everything she did brought drama right along with it.

Maybe it was due to her rough childhood and messed up family. But still. You don't have to follow that trend. Change it.

You see, not many people liked Amanda*. But she would still insert herself in situations with these people and "hang out" with them like they were besties. Often ditching me, her true friend, in the process.

My mom and I even went so far as to invite her on our visit day to Luther because her mom refused to take her on any college tours.

Sometime during junior/senior year, she got a job at a department store. Good for her. One day, she came to school and said she quit her job. Okay? Maybe it was just too much. Another day, not too long after, she came to school and said she got a speeding ticket and had to appear in court. 

I would believe this. She was a little bit of a crazy driver; I would know - I rode with her a lot. 

Well, about a week or so later, I was reading the paper. I happened to look at the list of people under felonies, misdemeanors, etc...people who got in trouble with the law.

There her name was, Amanda Wilson*. According to the paper, she stole some money from this department store while she was working.

Now, I'm not sure how much, when, why. And she didn't go to jail or anything if that's what you're thinking. 

As a best friend, I would think she would tell me. No. She had to lie right to my face. And keep up with the lie, even after our group of friends already knew the truth.

I stayed friends with her. Prom comes and she does the whole ditch our group and hang out with people who ignore her, make fun of her, and don't want her there.

My graduation party comes. She told me she would come. Other parties were going on that day, so I knew people would only stay for a little bit. My other BFF's (the sisterhood) came and stayed for about a half hour before going to other people's parties. Amanda* shows up, before the party even starts, stays for 3 minutes tops and says she has to go so she can attend other people's parties. 3 minutes. After 4 years of friendship, it's come down to lies and 3 minutes.

By this point, I was over her drama.

I spent the summer hanging out with the sisterhood and my family before heading off to college. I saw her maybe once that summer. She was too busy trying to be a part of a group that so obviously didn't want her.

I knew, once fall came, I couldn't put up with her anymore. It was time to end the friendship. She would write on my Facebook wall, message me on Facebook. I never replied to any of the messages. I just ignored her. Cold turkey.

Some people say this may be harsh. But there was no other way to do it. I knew if I talked to her even once, at this point in time, I would feel guilty and continue the friendship. I'm just that girl. But I couldn't continue this friendship. So cold turkey it was.

Amanda* would occasionally message me asking what she did. I still didn't reply. Stay strong.

After about a year of not speaking, she stopped messaging me.

I have not spoken to her since June 2007. 

My life is better for it. My sanity is better for it.

I sometimes hear little tidbits of her life. And most of them are lies. She ran into my brother one day two years ago at the local community college. She said she was going to school for nursing. Really? She was not the nurse type. She was never interested in nursing. And, I'm sorry to say it, but her grades were not nursing-worthy. It takes a really good student to get into nursing school. Especially at our community college. Think 4.0 or you don't make it. She was more a C student.

Her Facebook page said she was in nursing at the University of Minnesota. I know people who attend the UofM nursing program. She was never in nursing.

Ironically, this was around the time when I started in nursing.

I always think I'm going to be asked by old high school classmates at get-togethers or reunions about what Amanda* is up to. And I'm going to say we're no longer friends. I haven't spoken to her since graduation.

They may be shocked, but toxic friendships aren't worth the effort.

Last note: The identity of Amanda* in these pictures have been blocked out, but I can just tell looking at myself in most of these pictures, I don't look like my happy self. A self that was present in every picture after I ditched this friendship.


3/12/2013 Update: I just received a Facebook message from Amanda this afternoon. I think I cursed myself with this post. It basically said congratulations on my nursing degree and that I look good and blah blah. I pressed delete.

 *Amanda Wilson is not this girl's name. It has been changed for privacy reasons.